we dont believe you. Fucking hilarious means nothing at this point, please more description, not just vague subjective opinions here, I cant find any, so to speak, connections to your account of this occurence. Can you please elaborate on your FUCKING HILARIOUS, because fucking hilarious could mean babies getting eaten by Yassi. I mean, its almost like your forcing us to bow down and accept the fact that it was hilarious, but please, let us decide whether it is or isnt, as you say, Fucking hilarious. At least flower the facts with slight innuendo of how you might have felt during the people staring at you, like it was some cunts wedding, and you were sadly involved in sleeping with the narly broom right before his future wife latched along 5 minutes later. Oh the opportunitys for a most random Begbie response on that subway comes into mind. How the inner cunt could have come into play, how you caould have grinded your teeth and despised the crowds with your cut-eye, as you spit at their feet and provide gibberish to further deem your critical lyrical territory as whatever you say it is, like fucking hilarious. Stare at them and make sure they understand its fucking hilarious, the slightest dissaproval calls for pulling out the blade and asking them if theyre trying to fuck with you. Follow the cunts. Some odd woman, librarian type, might leave the subway one stop before her own just to avoid eye contact with you, and you could then pursue them and as they quicken their pace while their heart is screaming with fear, you can then rant out loud about the size of their wildest bowel movements that you encountered in "that fucking dream ye had last night, all spiritual likes". FOllow them outside, then cross the street and dissapear, then they will feel safe and then you run right at them out of the darkness showing you nude pictures of you and your dog in odd positions while you say shit like "it was all for the sake of culture"...

I know where you stand to a degree. Recently I got myself into mediation and I realized that because of my prevoius experiences with drugs, I am able to recall or relive my experiences to a degree.

There is a wierd relationship between awekening your mind, and closing it in a prison of psychological addiction. From my experience, ive had some amazing insight into the mind and the body, but I know also that Ive been continously going back for the same substances with a certain expectation after that. My expectation has been, to be enligthened again and again. But the experience was kind of like reading a good book many times over, its almost like the same, its never really the same, but its nothing entirely new. To be specific, im talking about psychadelic mushrooms and extacy,2 drugs that ive been experimenting with on a more serious level. WHat i mean by that is that I never really did these kind of drugs to get fucked ( like weed and booze). I studied my reactions and my mind patterns and I really really wanted to assimilate some of the knowledge into my everyday behaviour.

In other words, after doing these drugs for a few times, I got over the initial amazing new world mind opening experience of how "everything just is", and I started going back to it for notes. I wanted to find something constant, some relationship that I could play off of to achieve a new mental level beyond the times i was high. Right now i can remember the way these drugs will warp me and i kind of feel that im ready to move on from this sector, perhaps to other drugs lol. But i do know that looking for something constant in the experiences was very difficult , if nto impossible. Change was teh only constant. I already knew that from before, but this time I really understood how it works, how if you get over something and understand it, your mind will mvoe on onto something different, and if something is still haunting you, it will reoccur to you.

When i kept doing the same drugs I was discovering amazing relationships between my ego and my subconscious, I learned to disregard experiences as just efects of the drug, and i started to trust myself inside, knowing that that is where my balance is, in my heart. But there was more. Something I dont fully understand, but it has something to do with attention. I know that there is something to be said about letting thigns go and watching them selide by. When you stare the world down, your prespective is much different. Im a very socially conscious person and I recall these kind of mental states while being on mushrooms in thailand, while both focusing and disengagin from thoughts, and shortly after that letting bad things happen, letting them just be.

Saying all this, I am still the dreamer that I always am, always looking away into the neverending horizon, or looking deeply into strangers eyes, knowing that there is a way to get deeper, much deeper than any level ive been to. I know I achieve these kind of insights pretty frequently on a conscious level, I can really just leave my body and hum through the air like a vibration. Its not an entirely mind altering experience, but its different. Different from anything that came before it. I feel that my mind needs something different all the time, routine kills it. And taking drugs frankly, became a routine. I counted on them to fill in the spiritual areas of my life, knowing that each time would be an experience. The thing is, I felt sort of like im not participating in the creation of the inner mood, that would allow me to go on such amazing mental journeys. It made me feel like its not all me, it made me feel diry and ugly. And I do like the feeling of being responsible for creating moods and atmospheres.

I guess at one point I started questioning if when i was on drugs, was i really myself?I had to take time to assimilate what ive learned and throw out other shit out the window. It was getting too chaotic at one point, too many strange experiences that I coudn't understand, which became floating and sometimes haunting visions, that pulsated in my mind like warnings. I then realized that it is important to me to put experiences in context of what they are, even if I dont understand them.

Saying this, I think the most important thing that Ive learned about drugs and experiences is not having expectations. It is the most amazing thing when you can just surf a thought through self animating landscapes in your mind. That is the true art of being.

Hey Tazzer, I talk full of cynicysm, irony and zinc. No take it personally, just trying to set some sparks, set off some tangents, inspire emotional dimension. Much regards.

Had this 5 minute dream today where I was beatboxing to a Wojtek in a delicious old school beat style Mcing indistiguishables (lyrics) over top;

and somehow teh track decented into a sobbing country song.

Fiend.


-Just another wink in the stink-

lol tho..let me tell you,last night i was coming home on the night bus and this total bum comes on and hes like so wasted too and hes like in the doorway and like hes asking the driver where hes going like 10 times and hes like rotating in circles talking to himself/driver.

and the driver keeps saying "sir, please get off"?
and the bums just mumbling and keeps asking questions in a low bum grunt.

lol

and the drivers like:

"-sir, please leave"
"-but where are you goin?"
"-sir you need the other bus"
"-aright, but where you goin".

we were cracking up.at this dood who was like mocking us almost.we looked sober compared to that.this fucking dude looked like hes been hibernating in underground for years and just came out out like a cave or something
haha it was surreal.like this total uncivilized beast just randomly comes onto the bus and gets stuck in the doorway.it was hilarious to watch this kind of obstacle to the bus driver.

it was kind of like a fucked up incident where something very little happens but it stops the big machine from working like a toothpick in a giant clockwork mechanism.hahahha.can you see this?

Wow. Here I am. Animating grafitti. Just started cutting out and arranging layers. This feels like is me. FOr sure. So excited that I need to chill:)Back to work.

I jsut ahd a flash back of the time when I took 2cb at my first Om festival. What it did essentialyw as make me see super high contrast. It was night but the differnces between dark and light areas were drastically more contrasty. Black was so black and grey was lighter. And now im thining that this is such an incredible template for a jungle texture experience that I was having. I was never sure of how to sum up my experience, but now I think that all these psycahdelicious experiences make me want to experience jungle: the vegitation, the heat, the smells, seems like the center of the universe, or the center of life.

Important thing is that school is over. Life feels much more free now and Im beginning to notice how tightly coiled up Ive been. Yesterday I though to myself that Working is like elementary, but you get paid. Theres no homework. In highschool there was homework, in University your mind was constantly obsessed with concepts and there was never a way to measure your own mental achievments, not in my program anyway. Its a much more liberated world now and Im learning to understand that evrything is indeed OK. and possible. Working adn travelling can be done interchangably and whenever, theres no need to be stuck in locations or relationships. What matters is integrity of character, a direction to go in. Everything else will follow.

When we were in algonquin park this summer, I remember the nights were freakishly dark with massive amounts of stars so bright, that it seemed like an invasion was about to take place. And the leaches! When we were standing next to the water with flash lights, amd leaches were all around. We managed to pick one up insde of a pot and its back had an alien design stretched along its spineless body mimicing the constellations above. Ecliptical patterns were joined together in a dotted line that looked like a streak of galaxies all in the colour of strange orange/brown mystic looking tints. And then I thought to myself..this creature is genuinly alien looking and what if it is alien. just because were are used to it and know it as an earth creature, we automatically assume its neglectable. But if we saw this thing on a different planet it would no dount freak us out. There are definately a few fucked up creatures on this planet that do not look like theyre from here.

TOnight im pooping on you. Incredible bursts of inhumane energy are excreted from my veins...signals travelling to brain and back, dot..dot, dot. Fucking people. This is one of those moments where I hate people. BWAH. Will I remember this? Surely now I will. Anyway I refuse to concentrate. I want to be in other forums adn talk to other people but i cannae be botehred by the task of looking for them, I wish they were just there, or here already. Looking for anything on this site is bullshit and difficult. Drugs are the only answer. Rotoscoping blows.